I don’t know for certain what the day will bring. There is so much possibility and I am at a loss. Depending on how stressed and tired I am, the unknown can feel frightening or exciting. I can feel overwhelmed or expectant. Sometimes the unknown feels terrifying and I don’t know what to do with myself.
It is not my unknowing itself that bothers me. It is when I have a decision to make, or when I don’t trust things will work out. Otherwise, I am okay with not knowing, with letting things be as they are without my understanding.
Being comfortable with not knowing requires a shift. I need to let go of needing to make The Perfect Decision. There is freedom in admitting I don’t know something, of giving up trying to make something up, of thinking I have to come up with a specific solution.
Sometimes I pretend to know what the future holds. I make up stories about what will and will not happen. Thinking I know what the future holds gives me a sense of security. This is an illusion. I cannot know what will happen; I doubt it would be of real help.
What does help, what allows me to breathe easier, is accepting that I don’t and cannot know. I find peace when I embrace the mystery. I do better when I remind myself that unknown does not mean disaster. When I can dare to imagine possibilities that affirm life, I am less anxious and better equipped to handle things when they do go awry.
When making a decision, I can choose to open door number 1, or door number 2, or door number 3. I have heard it said that God is behind all the doors. God is also already with me in my choosing. When I remember these things, I can be at peace with, and maybe even welcome, the unknown.
May you be able to let go of the need to know. May you trust in our creative and life-affirming God. As you journey these next days and weeks and months, may God grant you the faith to embrace mystery, and may you find peace. Amen.
Rachael