Should.
“Should” is a four-letter word, especially in this time of global pandemic.
I should be more focused.
I should have more energy.
I should be reaching out more.
I should come out of this with a new skill.
I should be using this time more effectively.
Here’s the thing about “should”:
It is useful for shaming and for beating one’s self up, not much else. “Should”, “must”, “ought” – all of these are not actually helpful in moving me closer to my goals. These words hook me. They get me caught up in ways I am not living up to what I expect of myself. In short, how I am not good enough. This is not helpful. What is more helpful is remembering why I might want to engage in a specific activity. What are the reasons behind wanting to do X. Remembering my goal is more gentle, loving, and effective than “shoulding” myself into a given task.
Here’s an example:
One of the things I have been telling myself lately has been “I should have more words with which to pray.” Words have been hard for me to find in prayer these days. I shared this with a friend who asked me what I am doing to help ground me. Moving my body – weeding, going for walks, fixing things – these things ground me. Grounding is one of the reasons I pray. Maybe the main reason I pray. Prayer helps me find my footing. My friend suggested that each step I take can be a prayer. I can pray with my body. I can let that ground me. I can trust that the Spirit understands, that the Divine listens to all of me, not only my words. I can let go of my “should” about having words, remembering there are other ways to pray, other ways to find grounding.
May you be gentle with yourself in this season. May you “should” yourself less. May you allow the gentle rains of grace to saturate you. May you know that “should” is not necessary, and that you are enough.
Rachael